A Good Day [Man and Bits of Paper]

When I got home for Thanksgiving my parents too seemed to have caught the cleaning bug. The house was a lot emptier, a lot more serene, than it had been. My early christmas gift to them, they informed me, was to be the elimination of at least one, hopefully three or four or all, of my boxes of stuff in the garage.

My mind flashed back to packing those very boxes, five years ago. Books, I remembered, lots of books.

A digression: My parents are, shall we say, not poor. They might be rich- they probably are rich- but they don't act rich, and I never grew up thinking we were rich. But they are comfortable, and they do have discretionary income, although I rarely see them spend it.

I have, however, seen them spend it on books. Many times in my childhood would we venture to the bookstore and leave with armfuls.

I was a voracious reader in high school and middle school. In college most of that appetite was channeled towards assigned reading. Looking up now, I have four half-read books on my shelf, and two more in my bag. The habit has definitely stuck.

I think my parents logic went something like this: reading is a very good habit, and something we want to encourage Connor to do. He should probably be reading good books. If he picks his own books, he will pick crap for a while, but eventually he will start picking good books. But giving him good books is not as good as him picking them out himself. To increase the aggregate total of good books read over time, we should let him a) pick his own books, and b) let him pick a lot of books.

Given this, the logical thing to do was to take me and my sister to a bookstore pretty often and let us go nuts. They could, so they did.

And now we find me pulling huge boxes of generally bad but occasionally good science fiction and fantasy out of my garage.

It took less than thirty minutes to sort through three boxes of them. Everything went except for a) five books that were not actually mine and b) a signed copy of the un-utterably terrible Dune: House Harkonnen, kept because of the inscription:

"To Connor, who knows so much about the Dune Universe"

to which I always want to append: "From Brian Herbert, who knows so little about the Dune Universe"

The other two hundred books we took, along with two Ikea bags of books my parents also intended to not own, to a used book store, and sold them.

The store (BookBuyers, which is an awesome place that everyone in the bay area should visit) remaindered a half-box, and took the rest for two thirds store credit, one third cash. We are going to sell the store credit on Craigslist, or maybe the KGB board (all those googlers must love books!)

It was a good day.

Different Mixers [Man and Bits of Paper]

Four years ago when I lived in Massachusetts for a summer, I moved into a spacious but unfurnished apartment. As a present, my mother bought me a set of something like seventy cooking items from Ikea. They came in a big box, densely packed, and heavy as all hell.

I knew, when I took everything out of the box and arranged it all around the kitchen, that they would never, ever go back into the box again. Just by unpacking it, I had disturbed so much of the box's internal structure that I could not stack things inside
of it as neatly as they had been.

That point when I had opened the box but before I had removed anything was the neatest and most complete that set would ever be.

At present, I can tell you for certain where perhaps twenty of those seventy items are. Most of those twenty are infrequently used, hyper-specific tools, and I'm not sure why I even own them. I have a garlic crusher. I don't crush garlic. I have a lemon squeezer. I don't squeeze lemons.

I have, however, wondered why those two tools are fundamentally different in structure, when they do almost the same mechanical action onto similar products.

I think one of the measuring cups has survived.

I think.

I do own, however, about thirty unrelated cookware items that I know for a fact I never purchased.

My theory, at this point, is that that cookware set and I have gone through six or seven moves in the past four years, and have been housed with six or seven roommates, each with their own set of stuff.

The kitchens, in all cases, have been integrated ones- everyone's pots living with everyone else's, a communal knife drawer, etc. Moving out is always something rushed, and hiding behind those drawers and cabinets, cookware is usually forgotten until last. One doesn't always see the proper pan lid hiding in the sink, and one could miss the plate that is in a roommate's room.

I am as guilty as my roommates- over time I just sort of took stuff that I thought was mine, and, three or four or seven pieces at a time, I began substituting their cookware for mine, and now I have fractions of many distinct sets of cookware, and they certainly don't add up to a whole. I have three pots and four potlids, but the lids are for pots I do not own.

Additionally, a lot of that stuff is cheap and breakable. I think of the fifteen plates I once bought, three remain, and one of them is chipped. I do, though, possess an unrelated set of twenty floral plates that I would never in a million years purchase, but yet somehow possess.

In any case, when we move I will be abandoning all of it, save three items, all of them by chance, from Crate and Barrel, and all Christmas presents, though they were different Christmases.

The first is a circular spatula full of holes, that my sister got me for cooking pirogues.

The second is a cast iron skillet my mother got me, for cooking all sorts of stuff.

And the third is rigel's vegetable steamer that her mother got her for, well, self-evident vegi-steaming.

As for everything else?

There are plenty of Ikeas in California, and plenty of roommates here who want to cook with my strange cookware.

How to Rid Yourself of Books [Man and Bits of Paper]

I will start with a declarative. More than any other possession, books are hard for me to let go of.

I hold the printed word in such high regard that I can sometimes lend books (but only to the trustworthy), rarely give books away (but only to the special), sometimes sell them (but I am always frustrated that they are not worth as much to others as they are to me), and never, never throw them out.

The one time I ever threw books away outright was when they had been stored over the summer in my friend's basement, and that basement had flooded. Not, you know, a big puddle flood. A foot deep of nasty groundwater seeping in from the hardest summer rainfall in a hundred years.

One or two big boxes of books and clothing were at the bottom of the pile of stuff, and after five minutes of examining them and choking on the clouds of mold emanating from them, I realized that exactly 0% was salvageable, and that both boxes should be summarily blackbagged and tossed.

I mean, of course, big industrial garbage bags for to hold trash. Not that each book should be disappeared fascist regime/ secret police style, bag-on-head. Wow- some sort of V For Vendetta / Fahrenheit 451 crossover is playing out in my head now.

And so we arrive at the problem- I am probably moving in the next few months. My apartment has approximately 30 linear feet of books in it. That's 250 pounds of books. I cannot move 250 pounds of books. Moving them across town was a bitch. Moving them across the country will either be painful or expensive or both.

Enter my friend Alan. Alan grew up about six hours northeast of Pittsburgh, in Middle-of-Nowhere-No-Really-We-Mean-It, PA. He has had two stays in Pittsburgh of around two years and then around one year, and although he loves the hell out of the city and its residents, he hasn't been able to stay permanently, due to ongoing financial crises of various sorts. He visited for the long weekend, and crashed on my couch (and it is a damn comfy couch too).

He even helped name this blog. The suggestion of TS Eliot's 4 Quartets beat out my idea of The Waste Land as a source of floral but effective language.

In any case, it occured to me sometime tonight that Alan is someone I trust. I trust him to not only not throw books away, but to appreciate the hell out of them the way he appreciates me, and the way he appreciates Pittsburgh. He is a man to which I would love to give books.

Given as well that he is a poor man, and can purchase perhaps a book or two a year, giving him as many books as he could take seemed like the best of all solutions.

Boxed in his car's trunk are about 60 books- a sixth of what I own. I have given them freely, without any sort of monetary solicitation, however paltry, from either party.

I want him to have these books.

True, they cost me money to buy when I did buy them, but that is money I don't remember spending. That is money that could have gone to movies or popcorn or something frivolous, but instead they went to paper, and the enjoyment of paper. I've gotten my pound of flesh from the books he's getting- they are all one's I've already read. And if I really need them again, its not like things go out of print anymore. No book I own is old enough that copies are rare, or even semi-rare. Half of them are mass-market paperbacks anyway.

True, keeping them is a comfort. Knowing that all that information, all those quotes and paragraphs and words are just at arms reach is a good feeling, a sort of warm blanket of information and phrase. But it can be smothering, and although a good feeling, it is just a feeling, and perhaps not as good as other feelings that not having so many damn books might allow. You cannot keep everything.

But everyone wins now.

Alan feels good- he has books, and he loves books. And they were filtered through me and my tastes, so they probably won't be crap.

I feel good. I'm three shelves lighter than I was this morning. It sounds sort of callous, but its one more thing I can check off on my List of Things to Do.

And the books feel good to, as they aren't being tossed, or disappeared, or thrown into a big Nazi fire, or turned into terrible, terrible sewer mold. They are being loved.

Just not by me.

Household Plant is Sad and Gone [Man and Bits of Paper]

Some time ago, I had some crazy architecture student roommates. Those times are now over, and have been for quite some time.

One of their stranger ideas was inherited from a crazy forty-something Russian one of them had stayed with in a sixth floor walkup in Brooklyn during an architecture conference. (Never thought I would say that sentence, but there goes) Rather than a shower curtain, he instead had a long, low pot (almost a trough) full of ferns and small plants. The splashings from the shower would fall into that and water the plants.

To mimic this, we bought a potted plant. Not a fern, a plant. One of those five foot tall fern-on-a-stick plants that doesn't need sunlight, or love. After a month of pulling fronds out of the drain and mopping up the spilled shower water brown with dirt, I bought a shower curtain and moved the plant to the living room.

I think I watered it once.

I think.

Today, I looked at it, and saw that all but three fronds had turned brown. I took it out to the dumpster. Tonight, I will watch the garbage man laugh and then crush it into planty death.

If it isn't dead already.

In any case, this is instructive as to how things go in my apartment- there is a weird thing, then it becomes a clutter problem, then it is ignored, and then I flip out and deal with it in the most final, regime-changing way I can.

I do not clean in halves.

Bates, Juliet, and Romeo Streets; South Oakland [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

Note: Some of this article is supposition, and is noted as such.

In the 1820s and 1830s, the area which is now South Oakland was owned by a woman named Juliet Simple. Juliet Street is presumably named after her. Later as more streets were built, presumably, the naming trend continued, but rather than pull from the names within Ms. Simple's family, "Juliet" was taken to be a Shakespeare reference, and so one now finds Hamlet, Ophelia, Juliet, and Romeo Streets in the vicinity. Or so I presume from the cartological records I came across.

Juliet is a relatively flat street that runs close to North-South. To the west the land falls down into a short valley that was once called Three Mile Run (after the creek that formed it, which entered the Monongahela three miles from the Point (see Four Mile Run, Nine Mile Run for further use of this creative naming scheme), but after the Democrat publisher of the "Tree of Liberty" newspaper, Tarleton Bates, who was killed there in a duel on January 8th, 1806, the name was changed. He was slain by Thomas Stewart, an Irish shopkeeper who was friends with Ephraim Pentland, Bates' rival, the Republican publisher of "The Commonwealth."

In that paper, Pentland called Bates one of the "most abandoned political miscreants that ever disgraced a State." Bates responded by purchasing a whip and attacking Pentland in the street some days later. Pentland challenged Bates to a duel via Stewart, who served as messenger. Dueling, however, had been outlawed since 1794. Bates declined, and then subsequently published an account of the whole incident, in which he accused Stewart of being "ungentlemenly" simply for being the messenger. Stewart called for an apology, and when none was given challenged Bates himself. Bates accepted the challenge.

One cold winter morning they boated out to Oakland, then wooded and far from the town, and finding a glade half way up Three Mile Run, proceeded to duel. William Wilkins, the lawyer after whom Wilkinsburg is named, served as Stewart's second. Morgan Neville, son of the colonel for whom the street is named, was Bates' second. Pistols were drawn, paces marched, and facing each other, shots were fired in unison. The first round, both parties missed. The second round, Bates was struck in the chest. He died within the hour. The duel was the last one Pittsburgh would ever see.

Since then, the glade has been paved over, and the valley mostly filled, but the name remains.

On the side of the valley, west and uphill from Bates, east and downhill from Juliet, lies her lover, Romeo Street. It is hard to call it a street, however, because it is in fact a set of stairs. Four houses line the staircase, all of them with their own sub-staircases leading down to their respective doors. Three of them were built some time before 1906, and the fourth some time between 1914 and 1932.

They were most likely built, as were many of the houses in the area, as housing for the workers at the Linden Steel Corporation. The plant employed 1500 Linden steel was owned by WJ Lewis and his son, WJ Lewis Junior. In the 1890s they were embroiled in a massive fraud incident. Apparently one of their employees had made a copy of the official inspector's seal used on steel that had been certified to a certain quality. Substandard steel was being stamped with this fake stamp and sent on as certified, full price steel. The subterfuge might not have been detected, save that one of Linden's chief customers was the US Navy, who had their own set of inspectors. Indeed, during the 1880s and 90s they sold more steel to the Navy than the Carnegie Corporation did.

WJ Lewis Jr. sold Linden Steel some time before 1901, sold his mansion on Chatsworth Avenue in Hazelwood, which was apparently a bit of a "Millionaire's Row" back in the 1880s, and moved to Texas. The mansion and grounds were sold to the city, which turned them into a community center and a now-gone park.

But I digress. The three houses and one wreck that stand today on Romeo street appear to have the same overhead plans as the houses on the 1932 map- they are probably original. They are, I believe, the most extreme examples of the city's tendency to fill ever nook and cranny it can, a testament (and tenement, if one will pardon the pun (or parole it)) to the will to expand, to fill.

Moleskine Zombie Prep page [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

Crossposted to skine.art

UP...C? [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

The University of Pittsburgh Medical Center (UPMC) made the US Steel Tower (the worlds tallest triangular-floor-plan building) its headquarters a few months ago. They got permission to put their logo at the top of the building.

I just took a picture of that logo today. The M is missing- did it fall? I called the building's lobby and was told that no, it is simply a larger letter, and its installation was saved for last.

Macrotypographers, beware?

I want to make a kerning joke, but I sans serif.

The Zombiemobile and Eve, of the Pittsburgh Department of Zombie Disposal [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

Since time before time (and by that I mean the early 1970s), Pittsburgh has been a town of zombies. More recently, one can see a beat up red little car around town, upon whose sides is stenciled the seal of the City of Pittsburgh, and the words "PITTSBURGH DEPARTMENT OF ZOMBIE DISPOSAL"

I recently interviewed Eve, the owner of the vehicle, at her place of employment, Heads Together, Squirrel Hill's last independent video rental store.

"Part of its just to entertain people in traffic," she thinks. "Like there's a suburban mom who's really frustrated and she sees my car with the zombie in the back and goes 'Oh, thats lovely!' "

Eve was born in Pittsburgh, and has lived here her whole life. She's known about zombies for just as long. She attributes her interest in zombies to George Romero's many zombie films, especially Dawn of the Dead, filmed locally at the Monroeville Mall. All of Romero's zombie films were filmed in and around Pittsburgh, and the most recent one (Land of the Dead) took explicit advantage of Pittsburgh's geography in its plot- the Golden Triangle has returned to being a fort- its rivers serve as barriers against the zombie threat.

Eve gave me a brief history of zombie lore in America and Hollywood.

"My friend Greg who works over at the Warhol was in Haiti in the peace corps for a couple of years. He was in this small village, and people were dead serious, they told him not to go near this one guy because he was a zombie. He was just this slow lumbering kind of guy in the village. There's a whole thing in the Hattian religion where you get turned into a zombie when a Bokor (sorcerer or shaman) blows pufferfish powder on you. You go into a coma, get a fair amount of brain damage, and he digs you up, and then you have to go work on his farm the rest of your life.

"That was pretty much how the zombie thing started out, a small piece of the Vodou religion, but then when Hollywood got a hold of it they started having magic zombies, and atomic zombies, and biological zombies. No going through the whole vodou or loa thing, we'll just have some guy cut up a chicken and then the zombies will come. If you watch "I Eat Your Skin", they almost get it right, but then it gets silly.

"Zombies didn't really start eating people until then. Before that, if you saw "White Zombie" with Bela Lugosi he's just kind of sad, and maybe he strangled people. But zombies didn't start eating people until the 60s or 70s.

I asked her about more recent films where biological viruses change humans and make them scary and zombie-like. Do the dark-seekers in I Am Legend count? Or the virus-ridden humans in the 28 Days Later series. Her answer was a clear no. "They are rage-infected humans, they aren't zombies. Zombies have to be dead and come back to life to qualify, however unlikely the circumstances that lead up to that."

She got a bit into the motifs and themes zombies might represent in movies. More recent ones cast them as the human output of a biological or chemical attack, but earlier films were more classist.

"There might be" Eve says, "a blue-collar connection, or maybe they are representative of slacker ner-do-wells. Zombies represent the masses- they're blue collar- they just keep going. It's like working on a fab-line. Mindless, repetitive action. I think anyone in the customer service industry can appreciate the zombie mentality."

These undead were the impetus for a group Halloween costume she and her friends put together a few years ago. They bought cheap jumpsuits and stenciled "Pittsburgh Department of Zombie Disposal" on the back of them. Add improvised weapons to the mix (The crowbar is Eve's favorite) and the PDZD was born. "I think," she says "that if the PDZD were real they would be a cross between garbagemen and animal control."

A few weeks later, Eve took it upon herself to further stencil her car with the logo. At the time, it was a hunter blue geo prism. This "ZombieMobile Mark 1" was destroyed when it was rear-ended over on Schenley Hill. Mark 2 is the new red one, which she purchased from her mechanic.

Her car is part of a growing trend.

"I think that anyone in the know knows that Pittsburgh is the zombie city. I think right now there is a huge ressurgance in zombies- its a weird culture catching on. All the goths wanted to be vampires, but now they are okay with being less pretentious and emotional."

The big event every year is the zombie walk in the Monroeville Mall. Both this year and last year it made the Guinness Book of World Records as the largest zombie shuffle.

That walk and others are put on by local group The It's Alive! Show. Thousands of people show up in zombie costume, although the most creative zombie Eve has ever seen was one of the zombie bunnies her friend Beth has knit over the years.

When we spoke about the reaction of other municipal departments in Pittsburgh ("Ambulance drivers seem to get a chuckle. Garbage men get a kick out of it too!") the conversation shifted to how Pittsburgh's topography.

The post-industrial landscape makes a huge impact on the genre- most zombie/plague films have been set in Pittsburgh or post-industrial Scotland, a similar landscape.

"Pittsburgh and Scotland share a weird connection- apparently we both have the same slang. Metal industries and the Carnegie connection. Maybe he started it. "I've imported some bog mummies to work in the factories!" and then they busted loose."

She talked about other strange things in our city as well, including the Ogua- giant catfish that date back from Indian times in the three rivers.

"I used to boat around on the river, and I've seen some pretty big catfish. Like, you smack one with a paddle, and they start trying to rock the boat. There are also a lot of weird religious shrines in Pittsburgh: There used to be a huge Indian burial mound downtown, near the Blvd. of the Allies; to Hindu people the Point is hugely auspicious.

"But there's also the parkway Virgin Mary shrine, which is really nice. It seems like every culture that came here brought a lot with them. And then they got into competition- you'll go to a neighborhood and there will be 80 churches. St. Anthony's on Troy Hill has over 5000 relics and reliquaries.

"Taking three lefts here is never the same as taking one right. You end up four neighborhoods over right next to another church.

"Over at the Safar Center for Resuscitation Research at the University of Pittsburgh they are actually doing research on dogs right now where they pump all their fluids out and stop their hearts and then start them again. It was a Russian experiment in the 1940s, and they are trying it again."

Finally, I asked Eve how the PDZD disposes of the zombies it is called in to take away.

""If it's not too aggressive we might use a have-a-heart trap. We'd bait it with some head cheese. Then of course we would release the zombie into the wild of Monroeville, it's natural habitat behind the mall, where it can live free with its own kind. The zombies haven't been a big problem since the 70s. Its very rare that we have to put a zombie down. Decapitation is always a winner, but my preferred method is a crowbar to the cranial fissure there. And remember children, if you see a zombie, TELL AN ADULT!"

Harding Way, Polish Hill [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

Harding Way climbs Polish Hill.

When I say that, I mean it- Harding way starts at the base of Polish Hill, where Herron Ave comes south off of Liberty. It starts as a set of steps that continue Herron's southern direction even as the road swings wildly east. Herron makes a steep U-turn to south, and then further up the hill turns west. Meanwhile, Harding way, at this point a flight of steps, meets the east-west street Dobson. Between Dobson and its southern parallel Fleetwood Way, Harding Way is a small, steep street. Then it becomes steps again, rising from Fleetwood Way up to Herron Avenue, which by this point has turned west. At Herron, again, it becomes a steep alleyway up the hill, past Bethoven Street. It ends abruptly at a wall, along whose side steps rise. At the top of these steps one is on the sidewalk of Bigelow Blvd.

Harding Way continues on the far side of Bigelow- it is a flight of steps to the poorly spelled Ridgway Street, and then slopes down the far side of Polish Hill, the Hill District, alternating again between roadway and steps every few blocks.

According to the Survey Maps of 1937, Harding Street was, well, a Street. It has right-of-way the size of a street, although even on the 1937 map it is staircase between Herron and Dobson, and between Herron and Bigelow. Apparently just at the North end of it a short way called Japan Way was planned- about three houses could be squeezed in to the space made by Herron Ave's hairpin turns. That street does not exist today- it's nothing but steep lot.
Betwen Herron and Bigelow, another short Way, Quarry Way, is on the map, but does not exist today. In its stead is a garage owned by a Pens fan.

BLDGBLOG: Ancient Roads [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

BLDGBLOG has a new post up about "landscape hermeneutics" - the study and interpretation of urban landscapes- the discovery and reclamation of old roads.

Sounds right up our alley, so to speak.

Various Lots, Mostly Steep, Ostensibly Greenfield [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

A hit and a miss on tonight's expedition. We took the car to Haworth Street, parked it, and ventured down the hill in search of remnants of the structures that were marked as there in 1939. Having made the trip before, we found it a pretty easy jaunt, and this time brought both light and camera.

We looked first for Lot 190, the house that would have been in Andoe Street's curve, had the street ever existed. After tramping through much spiny underbrush, we found, where it might have been, a long, flat clearing halfway down the hill. The soil was wet from recent rain, and a path seemed the path seemed to stop at the clearing and not continue further down. There were not a few broken beer bottles. Considering the view of the city from the clearing, this was not unnatural.

(Note: night is a bad time to take short-exposure digital pictures)

Below the clearing the hill fell straight off down towards Ivondale Street. How city planners might have projected putting three new streets up the side of that hill we could not conceive. We attempted to move south towards the other potential structure, but the underbrush hindered us bodily and did stab at us most dreadfully with its thorns. Rebuffed again we turned uphill and retraced our steps. But this time, by the light of our flashlight, we found a flight of steps, railings nonexistent, nearly covered by the hillside, suggesting that indeed there was at one point some kind of habitation on what might be called Andoe Street. Alternatively, if there was once more direct access to the Lost House above Ivondale, to the west, these steps might have been part of that system- perhaps it moved north down the hill along the theoretical Andoe, but switched back west at an appropriate elevation.

Then again, it may have served that last theoretical structure mentioned in our previous post, the structure on lot 183, east of Alexis. Looking southward from the half-sunken steps we could see a flat piece of ground down the hill, covered in water and reflecting the moonlight. The underbrush and bluff proved too great, however, and we dared not risk getting closer to it.

On our way back up towards the car we kept shining the flashlight downhill, looking for any sign of structure, but all we saw were trees and brush.

A few nights ago we found a house where one really shouldn't be, and tonight we found nothing where old sources said there was something. C'est la vie dans la bassin.

What is a paper street? [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

In addition to being a story title, we have used the term "paper street" on more than a few occasions without actually defining it. A quick googling brings mostly references to Fight Club's Paper Street Soap Co, but no actual definitions. So here goes:

A paper street is a street, roadway, boulevard, path, etc. which only exists on maps or lists, in planning, development, or governmental offices, and not at all in real life.

In places that are not Pittsburgh, these streets are typically the result of a planned development of which only a few phases were implemented. The streets still exist legally as rights-of-way that cannot be built upon, but they are otherwise useless if one wishes to walk, bike, or drive them.

In Pittsburgh the definition gets a bit more complicated because the maps of real streets tend to themselves have errors or oddities without even bringing legal-construct-only streets into the mix. That is to say, so much of the city is built on hills and in valleys that maps might show two streets connecting when in fact one is a bridge sixty feet above the other; or they might show a street that seems to be a thoroughfare but is actually undrivable public steps for a few blocks before becoming pavement again. Something might be called a street, when it should be more accurately called a flight, or a span.

There are many paper streets in this town.

More metaphorically, Paper Street, capital P capital S, is that strange street which you turned on to once late at night and ended up two neighborhoods away without understanding how, or which took you up a hill and showed you downtown from an angle you thought impossible. It is the physical instantiation of everything weird about this town's geography. In the story of same name, the narrator encounters such a street, with disastrous consequences.

Finally, a street with a similar name, Paper Way, does exist in Pittsburgh, just north of Friendship Park. Expect a report from

Your obedient servant in the field,
James

Canton Avenue, Beechview [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

On Thursday night, my colleague and I decided to investigate the reports that Canton Avenue, in the Beechview neighbourhood of our fair city's South Hills, is the steepest municipal street in the world -- or at least in that part of the world which keeps such records.

Beginning, as ever, from our headquarters at the Junkshop in Squirrel Hill, we took the Parkway out as far as the Fort Pitt Tunnel and then struck south along Banksville Road. Coast Avenue, our connecting road, proved elusive, and we were obliged to come about in Dormont and retrace our steps. Our eyes discerned more clearly, and we turned onto Coast -- and were immediately foxed by its unexpected twisting as it climbed abruptly into the hills. Surprising, perhaps, but a good sign that our goal would be as steep as it was advertised to be.

And then, moments later, there it was, rising madly up to our left: Canton Avenue. Crazy, vertiginous, its sidewalk a ramshackle stairway, its road surface rough cobbles, it seemed by its very presence to forbid any effort to climb it.

James and I drew our breath deep, and I tromped on the gas pedal.

The car's engine roared in protest -- or in enthusiasm -- as we made our rattling way up. Canton Avenue is actually very short, for all its mountainous steepness, and the climb, though wild and exhilarating, was swiftly over. I pulled my vehicle to a stop and we clambered out onto the flat, allowing both ourselves and the car to recover.

Canton Avenue continues for another half-block beyond the crest of the hill; it was here that we parked. From this side, the edge is marked by a pair of DO NOT ENTER signs, which I was only too happy to obey -- though the temptation to throw caution flapping to the wind and trust luck and Providence to see ourselves through the pell-mell suicide run to the bottom rose up, inevitably, and had to be quashed. The rapture of the deeps.

James and I started down the stairs, which fall unevenly, long and short, on the east side of the street. Even their tread is angled somewhat, and where the steps are broken by driveways -- for a few brave souls in brave houses cling to this cobblestone cliff -- the concrete is crumbled and lies at ankle-trapping angles.

We ventured perforce onto the street itself. From above the washboard roughness of the stones gives them an almost stairlike aspect which we found slightly better footing than the sidewalk, though with no railing to catch at a stumble or trip would have had long, painful consequences. James was reminded of the crumbling terraces of Machu Picchu.

Perhaps halfway down -- though it was difficult to judge -- we found a patch of the street, roughly circular and perhaps ten or twelve feet across, so broken and cracked that it seemed as though mortar-fire had fallen on Canton Avenue. We poked cautiously
about it, careful of our balance, and were quietly thankful that it had not been necessary to drive across it on the climb.

At about this point our party doubled in size. My colleague's young lady-friend, together with an old friend of his, arrived at the bottom of the hill and, after some telephonic coaxing and reassurance, drove up -- with a flourish of gunned engine that I had to admire -- and joined us. There followed a bit of enjoyable clowning for the cameras' sake, and all together we marched back up to investigate what lay at the other end of the street.

A child's doll, lying limp and abandoned among the trash at curbside, caught our eyes. It was difficult at first to determine what it was meant to be: early theories, as we approached, included a headless Snow White, or even an actual dead creature. In fact it was a parrot, though the crude form of its head and body, the beak merely a yellow blob, made this difficult to determine. The sad scraps of the Pittsburgh Pirates jersey about its wings and midriff were they key and only clue to its origin and purpose.

Canton Avenue exists, on the maps, for only a block: it connects Coast Avenue, down the hill, with Hampshire Avenue, at its crest, and this is all. However, we found the corner of Canton and Hampshire marked not by house or woodlot but by a set of Jersey barriers, with vague darkness beyond.

As I have always found Jersey barriers an irresistible invitation to entry, I threaded through and found myself in the fine gravel and spindly weeds of an abandoned roadway. The street, plainly, had formerly run farther than Hampshire; indeed, the wires and telephone poles continued overhead towards the woods.

The four of us advanced down what remains of Old Canton Avenue. After a short distance it narrowed and was overshadowed by the encroaching trees. The street itself seemed to end -- or to have ended, I should say -- at some tarred timbers laid across it, with a small turnaround or parking area on the downhill side. Beyond, the remains of some open space, now largely consumed by undergrowth, and some sort of structure. I shone my penlight towards it.

A cage, of boards and heavy wire, lay burst and half-wrecked in the feeble light. It could not have been intended to hold any large animal -- indeed, it had something of a chicken-coop look -- and must have been decades abandoned, but finding it nevertheless gave us all a frisson. Trash and unidentifiable detritus lay about our feet, though not in anything like such quantities as we had found at the Lost House above Ivondale Street.

Clearly there must once have been a house here -- and we had in fact walked straight past it only moments before. Screened from view by darkness and vegetation, a few concrete pillars still stood above man-height just back from the old road, and behind them crumbling foundations of cement and fieldstone were a rectilinear gash in the hillside, half-filled with rubble. However old this scene may have been, it appeared a hundred times older to the eye: I felt as though we had disturbed the burying-mound of a Saxon king, or of some Scythian warlord who went to his rest draped in gold, with ten horses and a hundred maidens laid with him to ease his passage into the hereafter...

Connor's young lady espied a coal-scuttle, and I set my musings aside. These ruins were the only sign of any habitation along Old Canton Avenue; if ever there were other houses, the hillside and the forest have long since swallowed them. We may perhaps be given license to imagine some ancient resident, stubbornly clinging to home and address long after the city has bought and demolished all their neighbors in preparation for the shortening of Canton Avenue, prolonging the house's existence both as dwelling and as ruin far longer than any other -- but this is merely fancy, and it might well be that there was only ever one house there. The maps my colleague has lately uncovered in the University's library will tell us more.

The discovery of the ruined house placed a cap on the evening's investigations. There was little more to find that could match it for bulk, or foreboding, or surprise. I remarked to James that we kept finding ruined houses where we least expected them -- which should keep us expecting them, in the future!

We returned to our vehicles, said our cheerful adieus, and drove away through the steep dark streets of Beechview.

I have the honour to remain
Your obedient servant in the field,
Alan

What in the Hell is on Lot 190? [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

The University of Pittsburgh runs an exceedingly good website full of historic Pittsburgh maps, and many of these maps include Four Mile Run.

Specifically, the GM Hopkins Company Map of Pittsburgh from 1939 shows in full detail the streets and structures of Lower Greenfield, including a structure exactly where the abandoned house we found was.

An image is here. (linked to and not simply displayed because of the magic of copyright law!)

The pertinent lot for us is lot 160, owned along with its neighbor 159 by the Keystone State Building and Loan Association, an organization now long out of business.

The L shaped structure on the map looks a lot like the house we found, and it looks far enough back from the road to be the very same.

Looking around the map, one might notice a planned extension of Boundary Street beyond where it ends at Ivondale, and a new street, Andoe Street, which would connect it to Haworth.

Haworth itself underwent some changes when Greenfield Elementary was built. Most of the road was vacated and effectively moved a hundred feet west, so that for the five houses at the end, the first house on the block suddenly became the last house on the block.

What interests us most, however are the two other structures build halfway down the hill. One is on Lot 190, at the crook of the facticious Andoe Street. There is a house shown on the map, apparently owned by one A.M. Bannon.

Just south of it on Lot 183 is a structure on A. and M. Rogan's land.

As far as we can extrapolate, the whole development was planned and sold, but once people realized just how steep the hills were, many lots were simply left alone forever.

My colleague and I feel that these vellum houses on paper streets might be worth a visit tonight.

Four Mile Run and its Environs, Ostensibly Greenfield [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

The neighborhood just south of Schenley Park described in Paper Street is a real place, one to which Edmund and I took a late, late night visit just a few days previous. Herewith is our report, sans photographic evidence, unfortunately, as neither of us thought to bring a camera. In more recent endeavors, this lapse has been corrected.

The name of this particular neighborhood is contentious and inconsistent, and bears mention. It was the childhood home of Andy Warhol, and at that time was primarily composed of Rusyn immigrants (Rusyns are the people of the Subcarpathian Rus, a region to the north of Carpathian Mountains which today is divided between Poland and Ukraine) who came to work in the steel mills. They called it Ruska Dolina, Rusyn Valley.

The primary geographic component of the valley is the small stream that formed it, Four Mile Run. This stream also lends the neighborhood its official name, as well as the name of the one of the two main streets.

The other main street, Saline St, lends its name too. Most notably, the official church records refer to the area as Saline Parish.

Finally, as the neighborhood sits just down the hill from Greenfield, and indeed the only access road leads into the rest of Greenfield, the valley is sometimes called Lower Greenfield, to differentiate it from its more skyward neighbors to the south-east.

As mentioned above, the primary streets are Four Mile Run and Saline Street. They run east-west, as does Highway 376, which curves away from the river and runs up Rusyn Valley all the way to the Squirrel Hill Tunnels, another half-mile further than the end of Saline Street. The highway is six lanes wide, and soars 86 feet above the base of the valley, sheltering whole houses under its steel span. Another bridge crosses the valley north-south, Swinburne Street. The Swinburne bridge crosses from Greenfield Ave in Upper Greenfield into South Oakland, spanning over the Saline neighborhood, and then on the far side of the hill over a CSX rail line. This rail line actually lies under both bridges- cars over cars over locomotive.

Half way up the valley is Four Mile Run's most visible architectural landmark, the towering bulk of the St. John Chrysostom Byzantine Catholic Church, Mr. Warhol's childhood parish. It is here that our journey started.

St. John Chrysostom is set back into the hill such that its street face is about thirty feet below its rear parking area. Stairs climb from Saline Street past the church's west side and up the hill. After about fifty steps the stairs branch. A short section climbs west, connecting to the tail end of Ivondale Street, a road which will be important later in the narrative. We did not take this branch, nor did we take the branch down into the church parking lot, and instead continued our march south, the stairs jutting up and through an overgrown ravine for hundreds of steps. Not a few of the concrete steps were broken or missing. To one side of the stairway I found, as Edmund had entirely failed to see it, the broken remains of a barrier reading "Steps Closed".

Out of the light snow and tree cover, we could suddenly see the dark bulk of a great brick building. It was of the asylum-or-apartment variety, rather than the factory-or-office kind. As we found upon completing our ascent, this was the unlit backside of Greenfield Elementary, a K-8 public school.

We took a look around the school's campus and the neighboring campus of St. Rosalia's Church, School, and Convent, and arrived at Greenfield Avenue. Taking the it west we walked past the edge of the Parish and started down the side of the hill. We knew that if we continued, we would eventually meet the end of Saline Street and return via the floor of the Run, but we preferred to seek another set of stairs down into the valley, cousins of those we had just climbed.

In pursuit of this we turned north from Greenfield up a small lane called Haworth Street, which wound along the top of the hill behind and below the intramural fields of Greenfield Elementary. Finding it at first entirely empty, Edmund wondered aloud why such a street even existed, until we turned the corner of the hill and saw the three houses it served. None of these houses abutted anything resembling the stairs we were looking for. Retracing our steps, I noticed that when Haworth turned to the east from its formerly northern direction, there seemed to be a few pylons blocking what might be more road.

Walking down this unbeaten path we moved north-west, our feet tramping from mud and old asphalt to big flat granite and shale. As we descended the slope not only did the presumed road deteriorate quickly into forested hillside, it also began to switchback and move more generally eastward, becoming in the space of a few steps no more than a vaguely defined track in the woods.

One should note at this point that our most ample light source was the moon, with Edmund's penlight a distant second. It was snowing, although we mostly felt that weather in the form of a coat of cold wetness that covered everything we touched. We made our way east, hoping the path would drop further down the hill and perhaps connect to Ivondale street, whose streetlights we could see distantly down through the trees below us.

And then we came upon a mattress. And a refrigerator. And an air conditioning unit. And a house. A house exactly where a house shouldn't be -- with no sidewalk, no driveway, no road, no access of any kind, halfway down a steep hillside. Its yard was a trash heap, its windows dark and broken. Its front door was ajar. We could not go around its uphill face, for it leaned against ten feet of bluff which we were now distinctly below. It's northern, downslope face, however, had a stone plinth that we walked over to reach its eastern yard, a larger, more jagged trash heap.

At this point we could clearly see Ivondale Street. We were perhaps sixty feet south of, and sixty feet higher than the road. Two houses stood below us, and although they rose from street-side almost four stories each, we were well above their rooflines. And although the backs of the houses were at least a story-and-a-half higher than their fronts, we were still well above and behind them.

The hill at this point became mostly bluff; any trace of path proved to be illusory. There were what looked at first to be stone stairs but were actually nothing but unstable, loose boulders drenched in mud and melted snow.

Seeing no way down to Ivondale, and no easy manner of continuing east to try to find another path down, we turned back.

A brief exploration, on Edmund's part, of the hillside to the west of the strange abandoned end of Haworth proved equally fruitless, at least in the dark and damp of night. We made our way back up the hill and returned to Greenfield Avenue.

A few hundred feet down from Haworth, past a car wash and a billboard, we came to the stairs we guessed existed, seven or eight landings, a descent vertically of perhaps sixty feet and horizontally of perhaps a hundred. These took us to the top end of Alexis street, which in turn sailed us northwest straight down to Saline Street. We were back in the Run.

As we walked down Alexis we passed all manner of strange, wonderful old houses. They proved fine examples of the old Pittsburgh type: dark ancient brick, vines growing about, heavy front porches, set back some feet from the road, windows so dark the houses might have been abandoned, bricks so unpointed and old that no angle was the same and no line was quite straight. One house in particular stood altogether at strange angles: its wings rose to different heights, and its roof sagged; its north wall bulged dizzyingly, and torqued eye-bafflingly up from its foundation. Edmund and I both took some fright, especially as we could hear the faint sound of running water, and certain of the houses did much to channel that sound and increase its volume and echo.

Our return to Saline street was quite a comfort: our car was in sight, and the street lamps felt much brighter. We walked east then, back to our vehicle and the Church.

Envehicled, we drove up the steep southern tail of Boundary Street and turned on to Ivondale, to get a closer look at the street we could not access from above. The houses came right up to the edge of the street, there was no sidewalk to speak of, and one house appeared to have bolted its front yard directly to the metal barrier on the downhill side of the street: play equipment was strung-up out over the bluff with rope and wood. At one point the road had subsided so much to the downhill side that the metal barrier in fact hung over empty air.

Returning down Boundary Street we took it north up into Junction Hollow, the north-south valley mentioned in Paper Street. Boundary is so named as it was the old eastern boundary of the city. The street used to extend all the way up into Oakland, but now the middle half-mile is reduced to a bicycle path, part of the Eliza Furnace Trail. It crosses under the same CSX rail trestle that 376 and the Swinburne Bridge cross over a hundred feet away, and ends as a parking lot for a public recreation field. From its northern terminus a few abandoned houses could be half-glimpsed through the trees, and away up the hollow the lights of Oakland glimmered in the distance.

Our journey in the Run ended driving out Saline Street to Greenfield Ave, under the CSX rail line (which at that point begins to follow the Monongahela south and east), to Second Avenue. As we passed under Swinburne Street and the Swinburne bridge, we noticed that directly beneath Swinburne lay Frazier Street. This was strange as the road sign off of Greenfield Avenue calls the street that becomes the Swinburne Bridge, Frazier Street, while on the far side of the bridge the street is clearly labeled Swinburne. Depending on where the higher end of Frazier street becomes Swinburne street, Frazier might actually lay on top of itself.

Second Avenue, which runs between the Monongahela and the CSX rail line and parallel to both, seems to have its south-eastern terminus in a padlocked gate and a huge pool of water just past it's intersection with Greenfield Avenue. This is in fact a lie. After swerving to the northern side of the train tracks, it goes under the name Irvine Street for a good mile before returning to the name Second at its intersection with Hazelwood Avenue.

Beyond those padlocked gates the old Second Avenue does continue, but not for public consumption, as it is the main access road for a series of former industrial brownfields which are now Pittsburgh's semi-classified "Robot City." This part of Second Avenue terminates when the rail line swings closer to the river. Irvine swings as well, and soon becomes Second Avenue again.

While driving along the many-named Second/Irvine, we noticed two sets of stairs, both abandoned, which had a bridge (or in the second case used to have a bridge) over the road. These merit further investigation.

Remaining your obedient servant in the field,
Connor

Four Mile Run? [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

My colleague and I tonight made a reconnaissance of Four Mile Run and its environs. A full report of the journey, and the weird marvels we encountered on the way, will be forthcoming.

For the Benefit of Mr. Kite [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

The Tower, The Book [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

Hopefully one of a series.

56th Street, Stanton Heights [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

On the southern bank of the Allegheny, the Strip District sets the tone for street layout: the parallel Liberty Ave and Penn Ave run from the Golden Triangle northeast, and the street numbers that start in the Cultural District continue their inexorable rise through the Strip and on into Lawrenceville. Liberty and Penn curve east and then south, but Butler picks up where they leave off, continuing the north-easterly axis from which the numbered streets dangle perpendicularly.

After Liberty and Penn fall away, Allegheny Cemetery cuts off Butler Street to the south. Lawrenceville narrows to just a few blocks between the river and the graveyard. Things open up a bit around 51st Street, but the land to the south has now rolled higher; curving up its face, Stanton Avenue edges the cemetery and leads into Stanton Heights.

The low areas around Butler Street still feel like Lawrenceville, a mix of ancient row houses and light industry, but the streets grow ragged as they hit the bluffs of Stanton Heights: 54th runs for sixteen short blocks from the river up the hill, but 55th runs just five or six. A hundred feet up and an eighth of a mile southeast, those streets reappear as short cross-streets in Stanton Heights, irregularly connecting Alford, Camelia, Price, and McCandless. These tiny reappearances of the numbered streets mimic their lowland counterparts, little echo corridors demarking phantom tollways that might run vertically up the hillside, connecting the two neighborhoods. 53rd, 54th, and 55th all have such echoes, as if one simply continued their straight Cartesian lines across the map without regard for geography, but only actually instantiated blocks of the street where it was physically practical.

And then we come to 56th Street, which, in addition to being broken up by the hillside into four distinct sections, connected in places only by the concrete staircases that Pittsburgh sometimes uses in place of street or sidewalk, further has the unique distinction of existing twice: running parallel to itself for a whole block.

Halfway up the hill, Duncan Street branches off Christopher, and from its end a little square loop of three more streets appears. One drives off of Christopher southwest down Duncan, passes 56th street, hits the end of the block and turns left onto... 56th street? Continuing on this strange extra 56th street, one hits a staircase that runs up the hill to Celadine Street, coming out just Northeast of the terminus of 55th1/2 Street (a two-block alley that connects three parallel streets and has no brother in the lowlands to the north). Turning left again, just before the stair, one is now on Wickliff Street. At the end of that block you are back at the first 56th street. Take a left and you arrive back at Duncan. Take a right and you dead-end a short half-block later at a sheer cliff face.

The more western 56th street lines up with the piece of 56th Street in the lowlands to the north. The more eastern one lines up with the 56th Street in Stanton Heights.

The stairs that run up the hill from the western block of 56th Street hit Celadine at something more like 55th and 5/8, judging by the length block of Celadine between 55th and 55th1/2.

It is as if the cartographer started the street from two sides, but just barely failed to make it meet itself in the middle, leaving instead a section of near-parallel, dangling overlap, two blocks of the same street a hundred feet apart.

The numbering system of these rogue blocks is not currently known, but an expedition is underway. Expect a report soon.

Yours,
James

Paper Street [Aphilotus! Aphilotus!]

In the midst of Pittsburgh’s rolling hills Junction Hollow runs cardinally north from the Monongahela River past Schenley Park, petering out just east of Carnegie Mellon. The hollow is capped on this north end by the football field of a Catholic High School and the backsides of the shops on South Craig St. Two roads, Neville Street from the north and Boundary Street from the south, enter Junction Hollow, but end furtively half a mile from each other.

It was late in the afternoon one fall Saturday when I finished my jogging in Schenley Park. I had taken a path that meandered south across most of the park’s bridges, a path which ended abruptly near the East Parkway. In a clearing with a good view of the sun setting over downtown, I noticed for the first time that that the path did indeed continue past its marked end- the trail slid down a hill full of trees and scrub, across the train tracks that gave Junction Hollow its name, slid down and down to the train tracks and then Boundary Road.

I looked up at the sun- it was still well off the horizon- I had plenty of time to do a little exploring. I pulled my laces tight and set off down the hill. The scrub was much less aggressive than it appeared from above, and the descent went quickly. Before long I was at the tracks, two long iron snakes that fed north. I crouched and gripped one with my right hand- it was as still as a pond in early dawn. If there was a train coming, it was a long way off. I stood and made my way to the road.

It was darker here in the hollow, darker than I would have expected. I looked back at the hill, then south to the bridge that the Parkway made across the Hollow. Below it was the neighborhood without name. This moniker-less place was little more than a half dozen streets, all residential save for the large Orthodox church whose golden domes were a beautiful sight from I-376. When I was an undergrad at Pitt, a buddy and I had once contemplated buying or renting a house down here, but after meeting our potential neighbors, we decided it would be best to look elsewhere.

Its not that they were noisy or diseased or obvious criminals, nothing like that. They just didn’t seem… right. The father was a big man, bald, with bushy eyebrows like coal smears. I don’t remember much about his clothes or his body, but I do remember his hands- he shook mine- they were hard and knobbed, like bad roots, although unnaturally clean. His wife was the opposite- soft small, and dark, like a true Roma woman, a sort of genetic anachronism in a family that, so they proclaimed, had lived in America since Philadelphia was the capitol city. Their children, two boys of about ten, had the same darkness as their mother. Combined with their father’s eyebrows, there was something unsettling about their countenances, like they were embodiments of some ancient, grotesque portraiture.

The family, like their aging brick flat next to which we could have lived, had baroque lines, a heavy-handedness about their construction.

I shook this reminiscence form my mind, and looked again southward,, only to have my eyes rest squarely on those memory’s source- that ruddy, red house.

My entire vision of the neighborhood shifted then- I saw it as an English garden of the more modern style- the dozens of houses stood like flowers and bushes, specifically arranged to draw my attention away from the horizon down to this argillaceous house, a tiny behemoth of dusky brick in a neighborhood of blue and yellow paint, a white stone church, shiny steel bridges. Like the family it protected, the house was a throwback to the foreboding steppes of Eastern Europe, more suited to the Danube than the Monongahela, the biting cold of blizzards than the acrid smoke of steel mills.

At this thought of cold, I shivered and again returned to the present. The darkness was coming faster than I would have thought. It was time to go home.

I turned north and began jogging up Boundary Street, towards the bike path that connected its terminus to that of Neville Street’s. In the distance I could see the top dozen floors of the Cathedral of Learning. Like most nights they were under spotlight. Quite suddenly, I was reminded of a signal fire on a distant cloudy peak. I kept jogging.

I stopped to catch my breath at the start of the bike path. In the twilight, I could dimly make out the lines of map of the hollow on the side of a covered display. Like the straining fingers of Adam and God, there were Neville and Boundary, the bike path a thin line, lightening like, between the two. There was something else, though- about a quarter mile up Neville, a branch westward that I had never noticed. On the map it was a thin line, like the bike path, that ran northwest towards West Oakland, where my apartment was. Paper Street, the little line was marked.

I started jogging again. The twilight was waning- I looked up and could see a few of the brighter stars. Home was a pleasant thought now- a warm shower and some pasta, maybe a little wine, and the news at 11. The paved path was welcome in this half-darkness, much safer than jogging Schenley’s muddy uncertainty.

I reached the end of the path just when I heard the first whistle blow. The sound, as if it were some ponderous beast’s mournful cry, echoed up the hollow as only a train whistle can. I imagined it’s production, the steam from the boilers rushing out of a thin, tilted slit like demons bursting out of Hell, screaming their freedom in low, gut-shaking howls that bounded along the valley’s walls like running stags might bound in a moonlit pine forest as the nomads hunted them.

These thoughts? Where do they come from? I laughed at myself. I had spent too much time pondering that red house in the Neighborhood without Name, too many idle fantasies of caressing that dark gypsy woman, of pulling her dress up to her hips and… no. That wasn’t why we refused the rental next door. There had been no lascivious fantasies on my part. It wasn’t… it wasn’t a good neighborhood. It was too remote, too lonesome. It would have been a hard house from which to run a social life, especially with the animal carcasses all stretched out across the lawn next door, staked to the ground like- NO! They were simply a different kind of family. There had been no adultery, no rituals of blood. We had simply gotten a, a feeling about the place, and that was enough. I lived in an apartment now, one I should be getting back to.

Paper Street- I was going to take Paper Street home. A shortcut. I started jogging again, towards the Cathedral. That tower was growing now- I could see most of its forty-three-story bulk. Almost home.

The whistle blew again just as I saw the sign for Paper Street on the left side of the road. In the darkness, for night had truly fallen now, I saw steps rising up from the side of the hollow. Ancient concrete clung to the hillside like the root of some great urban tree. Gnarled bushes and swollen oaks surrounded the stairs, forming Baroque arches above the steps. I crossed the street and ascended into the wooden tabernacle.

The darkness here was almost tangible, like a thick black cloak. The shadows were aggressive. I did not know whether it was the stairs or the encroaching walls of wood, but it was suddenly and alarmingly cold in that lightless tunnel. What had been a walking pace I quickly doubled- trotting up the stairs, sometimes two at a time.

I looked ahead- the staircase disappeared upward, a stone sword thrust into the belly of the forest. I stopped for a moment at a landing, looking back. Was it- no. No, my eyes were deceiving me- the stairs behind me couldn’t be dark red, or crumbling under their own weight. It must be a trick of the darkness- I had run up concrete stairs, not rough brick ones. There was no redness climbing towards me across the steps, like a clay cancer, like the feral red eyes of some primordial wolf.

I turned my back on this shade of Fenris and hastened skyward, although no sky was in sight.

It may have been my speed, but this new ascent proved painful- not uncommon was it that I slipped and scrapped a knee, or took a tangling branch in the face. And still, faster and faster, I rose.

A howl exploded from behind me, wild and dark. No- not a howl, but the train whistle, that boiling klaxon. It was close now, the train. It must be passing the Nameless Neighborhood now, only half a mile south down the tracks. Perhaps, I thought, I might glimpse its form upon the apex of my accent, down below me in the hollow, down in the red clay of the valley, in the belly of the beast.

My legs burned as I ran. I was taking the steps two, three at a time, without regard for form or decorum. I lurched, stumbled up the hillside. Once, back through the tangle of my arms and legs, I saw the redness again, a bright, thick blight upon my vision. More branches slapped my face, branches or stalks or roots I knew not. Even as I climbed it seemed that the forest around me grew tighter, the walls thicker with bows- or were they twisted roots- a slick tunnel of wood and stone and dirt.

When, at last, I looked ahead and saw a darkness not as bleak as the rest- the sky, the blessed sky. Only ten, twenty feet ahead, only a few steps. A blast then, loud enough to shake the staircase. Clods of dirt rained down from the verritous ceiling, sticking to the blood that smeared my skin. The train sounded so close now, as if it was only a few steps down, roaring at my heels. Back from the jaws of death, back from the mouth of hell…

The sound tore at me as I took those last few steps in one great bound. I burst, leapt from the staircase on to… what?

I had fallen sideways on to two parallel iron spears- train tracks? They shook against me like dying animals. My vision went red. I looked up, south, at the lupine visage of a great iron beast rushing towards me, its wheels spinning demonically, its otherworldly cry echoing through the night, the battle call of Shub-Niggurath, the howling of a thousand blackened young. Ia! Ia!


I thought of her eyes, the gypsy woman’s eyes, and then it came: low sounds of ripping flesh, red clay dust in the wind.